I have undiagnosed OCD and it rears it’s ugly head during my weekly cleaning regimen. I dust, vacuum, and clean the bathroom almost daily but once a week (usually Thursday but because Mom visited yesterday, I did it today) I do a full-out cleaning of the house, which involves an obsessive ritual that I won’t even try to go into here. I am sad to report that this may be my last week of ritualistic cleaning because I don’t know if I can recover anymore. I have been having a lot of contractions today and the back pain is enough to make me want to curl up in bed. As much as I have tried to ignore my immense belly, there is no denying that I have to succomb to what Liv needs and relax and start “acting” pregnant.

To make matters worse, I am being thrown for a loop by my diabetes. I have had things under relatively good control the past few weeks, with the exception of my after breakfast sugars, but today everything went haywire. I have been extremely low at every sugar reading (fasting, after breakfast, after lunch) so I have had to eat something every hour today. This makes me wonder if my placenta is failing along with my insulin resistance, so if it continues tomorrow I am calling the OB. When I sat down to write this my lips were tingling and I was seeing twinkly spots so I hope the snack brings me up to an acceptable level because symptoms like those scare me.

I want Liv to stay in there as long as possible, but I am afraid of how the diabetes is affecting her and for the first time since I was diagnosed it has hit me that something can go wrong. I can’t stop peeking in her nursery and looking through her clothes. I love her so much and I am ready to hold her in my arms.