Kade was 15 months old when he weaned. It wasn’t a gradual transition. He woke up one morning and refused to nurse so I gave him his cup (which he’d been using sporadically) and he never nursed again. It was horrible for me. I tried to remember the last time I nursed him - the calm, quiet moments that only he and I shared, the way he would hold onto my shirt and look up into my eyes. We had struggled to get him to nurse and through his almost full year of colic it was the only thing that I could count on to comfort him. As the weeks passed into months, I would notice how his legs reached farther and farther down my side and how his weight became more noticeable on my arm. I used my body as my yardstick to measure his growth - growth that I alone was responsible for. People were often surprised that he was still nursing after his first birthday, but I didn’t care - it was my bond with my son and I loved it.

Liv nursed perfectly from the moment she was born. I didn’t have to struggle with a shield or walk around with her attached to me so she could nurse for 45 minutes only to need more in another 20 minutes after that (no offense Kade). This is our last child and I am so afraid that one day she’ll just stop nursing like Kade did, so I want to remember the emotions and experience while I still can. My favorite moments are the ones in the dead of night when I simply pull her close to me (yes we co-sleep) and she snuggles against my belly and rests her hand on my breast as if to help hold it in place. I can feel her breathing slow as she drifts to sleep and it matches mine as we drift off together. She feels completely happy, secure and safe and I am high on love, wrapped in the warmth of her small body. The body that was once part of mine, that I nourished for nearly 10 months, that I brought into this world is now here, lying in my bed, quietly sleeping in the crook of my arm and although I should be sleeping too, I can’t because I am overwhelmed with love and I want to remember this moment forever because tomorrow her legs will hang a little lower and she’ll feel a little heavier and before I know it she too will wake up one day and ask for a cup…