Exactly one year ago today I found out that I was pregnant. It was early in the morning when I rummaged through my junk drawers to find an unused pregnancy test left over from my obsessive testing with Kade. My heart was pounding as I waited for the second line to show up, and within a minute or so a faint pink line appeared. I walked into the hall, stopped, walked back into the bathroom, looked again and burst into tears and laughter at the same time. I touched my stomach and immediately fell in love as images of my unborn child began forming in my mind, all due to a little pink line. I grabbed Kade and just smothered him with hugs and kisses, telling him that he would be a big brother. I ran to get my cell to give Kyle the news, but got a better idea instead. I wrapped the pregnancy test and decided to give it to him for Christmas, which meant that this would be my secret until then (I am NOT good with secrets). The next four days were agonizing, but I made it to Christmas Eve with my secret intact. I will never forget the look of surprise on Kyle’s face when he realized what he was holding in his hand. I don’t know if he was more surprised at the pregnancy or at the fact that I managed to keep it from him. I showed him two more pregnancy tests that I had taken later and that had much darker second, pink lines (when I got pregnant with Kade it took about 4 positive pregnancy tests before Kyle would believe me). We immediately started talking about how much fun Christmas would be the following year, with two children.

There is something special about having an infant during the holidays. I can remember Kade’s first Christmas, there were many nights when I would sing Silent Night with tears running down my cheeks as I rocked him to sleep. The magic of having a little baby to love brings the true meaning of Christmas to fruition, and I am so lucky to get to experience it all again. I treasure those quiet moments I spend rocking Liv, holding her little body close to mine as I sing carols into her tiny ear. Tonight, when I put her to bed, I took a minute to remember this day last year when I imagined what she might look like, how she would smell, how she would fit into our family, how Christmas would be with a baby in our home and I just smiled because she truly is the perfect present.