I’m home. I have diabetes, but no definitive answer on whether it’s Type I or II because the antibody test takes awhile to come back. I am having a hard time adjusting to this. I am healthy. I eat my leafy greens. I freakin run 13 miles at a time for pete’s sake. Despite all of this, I developed diabetes.
I feel discouraged. After living with gestational diabetes and injecting myself 5 times a day the last 3 months of my pregnancy, I was conscious of my risk of developing diabetes later in life. I thought that my lifestyle would prevent it. Obviously, I was wrong.
I’ve been feeling pretty drained lately (actually it’s been going on for a few months), but I chalked it up to the early morning runs. The past few weeks, I noticed that my eyesight was getting blurry, but I thought my prescription had changed and I needed new contacts and glasses. I have been drinking water constantly to quench a seemingly unquenchable thirst. Oh, and our trip to the zoo on Tuesday included me needing to use the restroom 3 times in the three hours we were there. After my run on Wednesday morning I felt so strange. It was difficult for me to even finish the 6 miles, and I felt disoriented and nauseous on the way home. So when I told Kyle, he said to call the doctor. For once, I listened. That phone call landed me in the hospital, which I am grateful for because apparently I have been walking around with this for some time now (at least 3 months), and was on the verge of some pretty serious and dangerous consequences.
Even so, I am finding it difficult to get over the fact that for the rest of my life, food is the enemy. I am sick to my stomach that every time I sit down to eat, I must first inject myself with insulin. Every meal, every day, for the rest of my life.
I am pissed off. I am frustrated. I was told that I had to take a few weeks off from training for the marathon until I can get my insulin dosage regulated and my blood sugar under control. I was told that a marathon would not be the best idea with this new diagnosis. I am not giving up. I am going to run. If I can’t run the marathon, I will run the half (hell, I already did one). I’m not racing. I’m not concerned with making a certain time. I just want to finish. So I will run, and I will stop when I have to and check my blood sugar, and I will eat when I need to, and I will cross that finish line.
9 Comments
You are in my thoughts!
Erika,
I know you are determined to do this, but I hope you will consider it carefully. You will not disappoint anyone if you do not run. Your health is the most important thing. We need you healthy and strong for our precious grandchildren! I admire your determination, but please think it through.
Love,
Mom Roth
I am willing to fly home and push you in a wheelchair (or something) for part of the race. I’m sure others will help out and push you part of the way as well. This way, you’re still doing the race but are not going against doctor’s advice. It sounds silly but I know how determined you are.
Hi Erika, I’ve been a lurker on your blog since you were pregnant with Liv. Just wanted to de-lurk and tell you how sorry I am about your diabetes. Sending you lots and lots of good vibes for strength and healing!
I’ve been trying to think of something to say on here all day. And believe it or not I am at a loss. I can understand this being a total bummer for you. You are such a determined person that I admire more than you know. I do know that you will overcome this, no matter what the outcome. And with whatever decisions you make you know that we are all behind you 100%. Sending hugs your way….
glad to hear you’re home and doing better, and that a final diagnosis is under way. it’s a bizarre thing, but it happens - my tiny, fit mom developed type 1 (insulin dependent) diabetes in her early 40’s. just like that…
I am in awe of your marathon training, but please do take it careful. if you’ve been battling this diabetes for a while, you will need some time to regroup, get everything under control and feel better.
oh, this comment is getting rather long, isn’t it? thinking of you!
Erika,
Dad & I love you very much. Just take care of yourself. You and my grandchildren are number one right now. Everything will work out for you.
Love
Mom
Your goal has not only been met, but exceeded! Woo hoo! (Happy Dance)
Thank you to everyone for your encouragement, support and guidance. I’m in awe of the money I’ve raised for the LLS…you are all amazing!
Oh, and Amanda…that wheelchair is going to sound pretty good at mile 11. The funny part is that I know the kind of person you are, and you really would fly here to get me through this. Hopefully, I won’t need the chair, but knowing I have a friend like you will help to push me on. Oh, and happy belated birthday! Sorry I missed it.
This blog has done wonders for my psyche. I know that I have my family and friends to support me, but to find support from other bloggers really blows me away.