Today Kade told me that he hated me. He was on his way into his room for a time-out, looked right at me and said it with such meaning that I almost lost it right there. Instead, I said “that’s fine, but you need to stay in your room for 4 minutes, ” and I closed the door and stood there with tears streaming down my face. I know he’s just learning how to categorize his emotions (see…my developmental psych is coming in handy), and I know that I said it to my own parents growing up (sorry mom and dad…now I know how it made you feel), but isn’t it supposed to be uttered at a later date…oh, I don’t know…like adolescence? Jeebus, this kid is only 4!
He has been having a really difficult time at school lately. He’s been talking back to the teacher (we are getting it at home too), and he’s been very belligerent and defiant. He’s not only testing the limits…he’s bending them so far that they are ready to snap into two. Today he pushed his teacher…twice. He did this because he didn’t want to stop playing on the playground. His punishment…snack by himself, facing the wall. I will not tolerate that level of disrespect. He knows better than that, and he is old enough to understand that there are consequences to his behavior.
I’m a little worried about his level of rage, though. He completely loses it when he is upset. It’s like he wants to destroy something, either physically or verbally. I lose it too. I want to run away. I want to say I quit. I want to start over from the moment he was born and redo whatever it is that I did wrong. It makes me sad. It makes me embarrassed. It makes me feel like I failed him.
When he came out of time-out, I talked to him about respect and other people’s feelings. I told him to look at me, and I said “I love you.” He started to tear up and said that he loved me too, but he doesn’t like it when I leave. I asked him what he meant…thinking he was having an issue with me leaving him at school, which would be something totally new. He said he doesn’t like it when I leave him alone for 4 minutes. I told him that if he disliked time-outs so much then he was the only one with the power to avoid them. It would be his choice if I left him alone for 4 minutes, so he’d better make good choices and stay out of time-out. That seemed to work because we had a great lunch and he even laid down for a nap.
When he wakes up we are going to make a card for his teacher. Maybe he’ll make one for me too…
