One word. A flood of emotion. Frightening. Indiscriminate. Relentless. Murderer.
It has struck again. My grandma, the matriarch of our family, the one who keeps us all together, one of the strongest women I know has been diagnosed with invasive cervical cancer. I haven’t blogged about it yet because we still don’t have all of the answers. She had some questionable procedures and surgery done before the diagnosis that have prevented her current doctors from staging the cancer so I wanted to wait until after she has her PET scan on Tuesday, but I needed to get my thoughts out.
To say that I am worried would be a huge understatement. When I am alone, in the quiet moments, I break down. I cannot make sense of it. I cannot accept it. I cannot believe that we are going to relive the nightmare that is cancer.
My mother-in-law battled leukemia, had a bone marrow transplant, and is beating the bleakest of odds. My aunt (my dad’s sister) has been battling breast cancer for over 3 years. My dad’s best friend fought lung cancer until it invaded his body and took him away. Now my dad’s mother is preparing for battle, and my dad is faced with watching yet another person he loves take on cancer. I feel for him and my mom and for the decisions they are going to face. This will test our family.
There are treatments. There is research. There is hope. But she is 77 years old. She has heart disease, diabetes, osteoporosis, and is recovering from two surgeries less than 2 months apart. Radiation and chemotherapy are not easy to deal with, and when you add advanced age and additional health issues to the mix it becomes an unfair fight.
I am trying to deal with the anger. My grandma has lived her entire life for others. Her words, her caring, her positive attitude, and her ability to instantly connect with you have made her unforgettable to every person that she meets. I am honored to have her as my grandmother and I am not willing to let her go. This world will be a darker place without her in it. I can promise this…it will not be easy to put her light out.
6 Comments
What crummy news. You and your family are in my thoughts.
From your last post I could only assume situations and this one crossed my mind. Damn. Your grandmother is an amazing woman with strength and determination. As you said, she won’t be taken down easily. Hugs to you…Sending positive energy your way.
That is news that is hard to recover from.
It seems that you were blessed with the same traits as she has though … and your family is better equipped to deal with this, because they have you on their side.
I’m sorry, Erika!
Erika,
I’m really sorry to hear about that news. Remember that you guys are in our thoughts.
Love,
Jen
Erika
As you know, I am all too familiar with the world of cancer, as are you, my children, because of me. I know the pain, the fear, and the helplessness that your grandma is facing and I am sending her the strength to fight this beast that has invaded our family and caused so much pain. She is a very strong woman and as you said the matriarch of the family. I, too, was in that position and it is a horrible feeling to feel like you are letting everyone to fend for themselves. It is that feeling, however, that raises up that strength and resolve to fight the beast with everything that you’ve got. Your grandma has that strength and I am praying for her with all I have.
Love you.
prayers for you and your family. grandma kraus is an amazing and strong woman and you all will be in my thoughts.