Kade has finally calmed down and is quietly drawing pictures of outer space so I have a minute to vent. Sometimes I just don’t have what it takes to be a calm, patient, level-headed mama. Sometimes I am dangerously close to losing it. Today it very nearly happened.

All morning I was battling a massive headache that made me wince in pain just from being in the sunlight. I trudged through my morning errands with no ibuprofen, a whiny toddler, and continuous throbbing between my eyes. It was fun.

Liv and I went to pick Kade up and the children were outside on the playground. I sat in the car for a moment, waiting for the kids to line up and come over to where their backpacks were laying. Liv was flipping out over being stuck in the car and kept telling me “don’t have a headache, mama. let’s go.” I guess my constant bitching all morning didn’t go unnoticed.

We walked up to where the kids were and Kade started to run towards us. His teacher and I both told him to go back in line until he was dismissed. Well, in typical Kade fashion, he got the pouty face, crossed his arms, sat down and began wailing. I did something that I pretty much never do. I totally ignored him. I calmly said “we are leaving Kade,” turned around with Liv, and started walking to the car. Needless to say, he was behind me within seconds and just kept turning up the volume on his screaming. I said nothing to him. When he decided to run around the car, I got in and buckled up. He kept screaming but decided to get inside and buckle himself up. The screaming didn’t stop in the car and it didn’t stop at home. By this point, someone hitting my forehead with a hammer would have been a nice break from what I was currently experiencing. I also was well aware that my sugar was dangerously low and I needed to eat. I was trying to enforce a time-out though and there isn’t a lock on Kade’s door so I have to stand in the hallway holding it shut. He’s screaming and kicking the door and I’m standing in the hallway hoping I don’t fall over before his 4 minutes are up. Thankfully, I got him calmed down, drank some juice and got lunch on the table before I spontaneously combusted.

Even though I miraculously kept my cool, I was completely falling apart inside. I knew that if I had let even the slightest bit of what was boiling up inside me out, I would have regretted it and the cherry-red bottom that Kade would have been sporting. I guess that’s the difference between mama’s and their children. Mama’s have the ability to reign it all in, to scream with our mouths closed, to tantrum silently. It’s a very useful skill. I really hope that Kade learns it soon…