So it’s 4:00 in the afternoon and I have yet to shower…don’t judge. I woke up with a blood sugar of 350 at 5:00 this morning, promptly canceled my running date, rolled back over and prayed that the nausea would subside before my chick-a-dees started chirping for their breakfast at 7:00. The nausea didn’t go away, the kids didn’t miss their wake-up-call, and this mama was crawling down the stairs with plans of going back to sleep on the couch.

I’ve since removed myself from the sofa to the computer, where I’ve sat all day doing my “volunteer” work while the kids wreaked havoc on every inch of my recently cleaned home. Let’s just say I’m not in a very good mood…

My parenting skills suck at the moment and I’ve looked at the calendar at least 10 times to see how long until school starts and sanity reigns supreme again. Seriously, when my kids scream I can feel the blood trickling out of my ears…it’s beyond awful. It’s even better when they are screaming about how much they don’t like me. Really brings the point home that the Parent-of-the-Year Award will never be displayed on my shelf.

This is the part where I’m supposed to say “no really, I love staying home with my kids and I’m so blessed to be able to do so,” but chronic illness, way too many volunteer responsibilities, and mouthy ungrateful children have taken the spontaneous, carefree fun out of the equation and have left me bitter and resentful. I absolutely despise feeling this way, but I’m going to go ahead and blame diabetes for this one. The fluctuating, out of control blood sugars have turned my mood to shit and flushed my ability to handle situations down the toilet. I am a lousy parent, partner and friend at the moment.

I actually spent every afternoon last week sleeping on the couch while Liv napped and Kade watched t.v. (I told you I’d never get that award) because my blood sugar was so high that I couldn’t function if I had wanted to. I had to self-talk my way through making lunch and cleaning up after the kids in order to avoid shutting my eyes before I had fed them and put them in safe spots. Crazy…right? I get frustrated with my children for being so difficult, but they have had to deal with a mom who isn’t like the other mommies, and it sucks for them. Okay, now I’m crying. See…this is why I haven’t blogged in months.

Here’s hoping that a few days away in Chi-Town with my newly 25 year old sister will take care of everything. Well that, and a trip to a new endo on the 13th should help too…