(I feel like I’ve done too much complaining on here and need to refocus…here it goes.)

Yes, he is difficult…and a loose cannon…and impatient….and a perfectionist, but so am I. I just have a very hard time admitting it.

He is also observant, thoughtful, sensitive and desperate to please. He is keenly aware. Always checking to see if you are watching, paying attention, listening…taking photos.

He is introverted and shy unless he can hide behind the guise of a mask or costume. In character, he feels protected, safe and able to socialize. Upon recognizing one of his heroes at the Taste of Tremont a few weeks ago, he exclaimed…”Mama, there’s the Iron Chef.” If Bumblebee hadn’t been there, we never would have been able to snap a photo to capture the moment.

He has a long line of men in his life who have given him pieces of who he is and provide glimpses and hints at who he may become. His grandfathers and great-grandfathers look at him and see their future, their legacy staring back at them. He has his Papa’s gentle nature, his Grandpa’s sensitive soul, his Great-Grandfather’s thirst for knowledge. I can see each of them in him and it fills me with pride.

But it’s this guy who is at his core, who leaves the largest mark. Kade is his father’s son. They can be so different and yet so eerily similar that I’ve often had to hide my astonishment at the overwhelming power of genetics.

Kade, if I know anything for certain, it’s that your Dad will always be behind you in everything you do. (Even if it means taking you to the tattoo studio in order to get the “skull and crossbones with fire coming out on your back” that you so desperately want).

I’ve learned to slacken the rope a bit. It started when you went to your first year of preschool and I had to let go a little, but these past two years have found the rope getting longer. In a few short weeks, I will have to let it go altogether as you start Kindergarten. Have no fear, though. I am still here. Watching, anxious, determined, so full of love…and guess what, Liv isn’t far behind.

I may be hard on you. I may complain that you make me crazy. I may even want to run out of the house screaming at multiple points during the day. But despite all of that, I am so amazed at the wonder of who you are, how you think, what you are able to accomplish. You create costumes out of paper, glue and staples. You have memorized some of the best Shel Silverstein poems ever. You know exactly what you want when I find myself floundering through life with no definite answers. You are so beyond your 5 years in so many ways and yet so young in so many others. You have made me cry and laugh and scream (sometimes all at the same time). I am sorry that I don’t always embrace you for you. That I don’t always see the positive, the wonder inside of you. I love you, Kade.